I started this year in sort of a funk. We had just come off a chaotic (albeit fun) 2 ½ weeks home with our families, Layla was nap-regressing and colds and coughs were on heavy rotation in our house. I was far from as organized and centered as I dreamt I would be starting the New Year. Apparently this is a Mercury retrograde thing so I may not be the only one who was (is) feeling like I’m still playing catch up, and feeling unsettled and scattered. Or maybe it’s just a Mom thing.
My initial worries and fears about breastfeeding were relatively normal. When I was pregnant I wondered if I would produce enough milk or how much it would hurt during those first weeks. I never worried about whether the baby or I would know how to breastfeed. How hard could it be? There’s a nipple and a mouth, put them together and ta-da! Totally natural, right?!
It’s hard to explain to people who haven’t been here, the tricks your mind plays on you when you’ve passed your due date and your baby hasn’t arrived. It’s a tough moment in time, so much anticipation and no action. Every second you’re wondering, is it time? What about now? Will baby ever come out!? What can I do to encourage it? What am I doing wrong? To induce or not to induce?
Dramatic? Sure. But it also isn’t surprising that it’s all you can think about since for the last 9 1/2 months, you’ve been counting down to this one DAY. And once the day passes, every minute feels like another day too long. And if you’ve had an uncomfortable pregnancy (yup, raising both hands here!), the extra hours feel like unfair torture.
I forget exactly how the quote goes but it’s basically about the moments in life that matter being the ones that happen “in between” or when you’re not expecting or forcing them. Although I’m a planner and am particular about things being the way I like them, I realize more and more that the good stuff comes when plans aren’t being made, when moments just happen on their own. I had a small example of that happen today. I was taking pictures of Ellie quietly eating her snack by the back door (a rare occurrence that must be documented). It was a cute moment that looked like it could make a cute picture. But what happened next was even better.